i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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