I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
