I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
