My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
