jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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