Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
