so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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