Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
