I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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