A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
