i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
What changed your mind?
Being sober
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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