Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
