I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
