I think i sorta joined a cult last night
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
