I'm drive I can fine osifer
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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