This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
