That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
