Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I am available for nakedness
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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