she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
