just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
