Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
