I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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