so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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