In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
