where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
