If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
