i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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