the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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