How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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