the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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