I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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