And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
