So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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