Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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