College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
