Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
