My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
