Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Randomize
