hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
