I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I am available for nakedness
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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