I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
