3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
