i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
