I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
how drunk are you?
Several
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
