Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
