O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
