did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
