Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
