pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
