My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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