its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
try to milk me bitch
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
