just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
