I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
