that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I cut my penus on the lid.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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