apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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