I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
