Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
