WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
